After one hell of a week that topped one hell of a month, I finally get to go out of town again. I'm pretty stoked for it. Going to Sun Diego. Hanging out with some friends that I haven't seen for a while. Enjoying the change of scene, hopefully it'll revitalize me even moreso. I want to go out of the country. Lovin' those. Maybe I'll talk to ash about a potential trip. Australia anyone?









During one of those awful, awful times, I came home to my empty room and I wanted to call you. Whenever it all would get me questioning just why life leads in her difficult way, not seeming to let up as more days pass- you'd be my solace. Maybe you didn't understand me. Secretly, you probably wondered why such triteness had me wishin' on things I couldn't change. Still, you listened. You told me your stories, grandiose ideas. Half the time I asked myself why I like the guy. Still, I listened, your wisdom and insight holding me to this futuristic notion of me with you.

You knew, and I know that's all that matters.

And when I feared letting you on to short moments of weakness I want no one to see, you hung around. So during this awful, awful time, I came home to my empty room and wanted to call you, like I always do.

But I didn't.

This past month was a tough one. I'm a tough one. Always on this revamping tip, always so critical. Why can't I be happy with the way I am and stop the quest for self-progression? I wish I knew the answer, but half of me is glad cause If I did, I probably wouldn't write as much as I do. Most of you know that I've been single for a while now, but in spite of that, there's always been a guy in the picture. The friendship attached to an unspoken crush. The comfort of physicality. It wouldn't be too long before I'd push them away or they, me, but they've been there. Yet I can honestly say that this rough point is the first in a long time when I have no guy to run to, and man, it's rough.

But I'm okay with that.

Tonight was one of those good nights. In class, I'd conquered a small but ego-boosting feat. I walked to my car thankful for little things, like the chilly evening breeze hitting the back of my neck. Radio airwaves playing joints from Mos' earlier days. More and more now, I'm okay with being me. And guess what? I wanted to call you.

I've got lots to say to you, and I'm sure you have even more for me. One day we'll share. One day, we'll remain.





Someday we'll...