Yet again, it's super slow at work, so here I am blogging.


The weather is getting better, the days are getting longer and I can run the lake again, which is nice. One of our Student Assistants just came into our office and told us that despite the sun shinning, it's lightly raining outside. Kinda befitting to my state of mind of late. The sun is shining (I know that everything is going to be okay), yet it's faintly raining (pretty self explanatory). I'm here, but not. I'm accepting things for the most part. Sometimes things just don't work out. There's no sense in trying to re-play out memories of what's passed. Maybe this just means that I was destined for something greater.

I go out and do my thang, you're supposed to when things like this happen, cause life goes on. When I'm in my own company, I cry, and I get mad. When living life on the day to day tip, my perception and my ability to focus is at times blurred, at times I feel anxious, but all in all, I'm doing okay. All this will pass. I think about it when I'm alone. I remember how it was to have him next to me, talk to him, all the things about us that made me smile and once put pep in my step, but I know that it's done. I occasionally wonder if he'll be back, but I know that even these thoughts will become completely insignificant with time.

The days will be replaced with things in life that have meaning. Life, friendships, and letting go will evolve the way they should. Sadness will fade into time building my wisdom, but this all, all that has happened, it isn't for nothing. I know it.

It's been really really slow at work. Maybe it was in some attempt to make sense of it all, but just this morning I was re-reading all of my old entries from my private blog and shit man. I've been through my share with different guys. Not so much physical, more emotional than anything else. I don't think the physical aspect of a relationship has ever taken more importance than emotional. I don't want to say that it's all been for nothing.. I've grown through it all and,

it's just moving me forward. Getting me ready. Ready for what? Who freaking knows.

And I'm not writing to elicit sympathy, more than anything I am not asking for you to dote on me. I don't like it when people feel sorry for me and am no one's pity case. I just need to put my thoughts somewhere. Out in the open, because it helps. It probably doesn't make any sense, I'm probably being ultra vague, or not very coherent, but here it is.